Success Script: It was the Alarm Clock’s Fault
Title: It Was the Alarm Clock’s Fault
Name: Dorrie
Date: September 28, 2006
Background: Every single morning I was late. I could never just be on time. I tried and tried to hurry but there were many mornings when my boyfriend arrived to give me a ride to school and I was not ready. My boyfriend knows I am slow in the morning. I know he knows how slow I am, but I always blamed his wait on something else without taking responsibility for my own tardiness.
Every morning I had another reason. “My alarm did not go off.” “Last night my mother called and I ended up having to talk with her FOR-EV-ER.” “I couldn’t find my brown pants and then did not realize it was so cold out today, so I had to change my outfit after I spent twenty minutes getting it ready.” Last week, he was sitting anxiously on the arm of the chair as I was brushing my hair and making coffee simultaneously. He asked, “Why can’t you just be ready?”
New Behavior: I was about to turn the situation around and accuse him, when I saw that he was slouched over, clearly as tired as I was, and annoyed that he could have been sleeping a few extra minutes instead of waiting for me. I saw that I really was totally responsible for my choices – it was not my mom’s fault or the alarm’s fault and certainly no fault of his.
I apologized instead and have made more effort to be ready when he arrives. I am still incredibly tired in the morning, but I now pack my school bag, set up my coffee and breakfast the night before, and listen to the weather in the evening so I can at least ball park my outfit.
Why I Consider This a Success: It has improved our relationship and I sleep better at night knowing I will not be as rushed in the morning. I have played a blame game a lot through my life, not taking any responsibility. I am trying hard to just own up to my own mistakes instead of quickly accusing someone.
Intention for the Future: Ideally I would like to be zapped or something when I blame someone else for what I have caused and created. I notice I am a bit more careful with my words, slower to blame someone else. The five minutes it takes me to prepare my things the night before makes a world of difference in my lifestyle. I hope I continue that too.
from Connection: A Self-Care Path for Resolving Differences
Bonnie R. Fraser, www.exploreconnection.com