Exercises & Handouts
for NVC classes & groups
NVC offers a map to show us how to get to a certain territory, how to manifest certain quality of life. ~ Robert Gonzales
Making Clear Nonjudgmental Observations
Out beyond ideas of
wrong doing and right doing,
there is a field.
I’ll meet you there.
~ Rumi
wrong doing and right doing,
there is a field.
I’ll meet you there.
~ Rumi
- The Power of Observation, article in Maine NVC newsletter by Peggy Smith
- Identifying Common Language Errors That Distort Observation, Connection, p 7
Hearing the Message from your Feelings
Feel your feelings.
Listen to them.
Then make life-enhancing choices.
Listen to them.
Then make life-enhancing choices.
- The Core Family of Feelings, John Cunningham
- The Value of Noticing Uncomfortable Feelings, Connection, p 24-25
- The Guest House, Rumi
Recognizing Your Universal Needs
Feelings are the emotion
of the moment
while needs are the river,
the underlying flow of our lives.
of the moment
while needs are the river,
the underlying flow of our lives.
- Fundamental Human Needs, Manfred Max-Neef
Ask for what you do want,
not for what you don’t want.
not for what you don’t want.
- Two Sure-Fire Ways to Not Get What You Want, Connection, p 47-48
- Success Script: May I Have More of Your Time? Connection, p 54
And an Attitude: Choosing to Connect
As you breathe in,
cherish yourself.
As you breathe out,
cherish all beings.
~Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso
cherish yourself.
As you breathe out,
cherish all beings.
~Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso
- Shift Happens, old and new paradigms by Catherine Cadden and Jesse Wiens
- Claiming a more Choiceful Life, Connection, p 58-60
Self-Care: Nurturing Body and Brain
“If your compassion
does not include yourself,
it is incomplete.”
~ Jack Kornfield
does not include yourself,
it is incomplete.”
~ Jack Kornfield
- Is Self-Care in a Personal Relationship Selfish? Connection, p 75
- Success Script: Nurturing Body and Brain, Connection, p 86
An important aspect of self-compassion is to be able to empathically hold both parts of ourselves – the self that regrets a past action and the self that took the action in the first place.
~ Marshall Rosenberg
~ Marshall Rosenberg
- Success Script: It was the Alarm Clock’s Fault, Connection, p 116
- Finding Your Needs under Your Judgments, Connection, p 95-96
“Every choice we make
says YES to one option,
and NO to many other options.”
says YES to one option,
and NO to many other options.”
- Using Needs-Based Decision-Making, Connection, p 105-106
- Saying and Hearing NO in Connecting Ways, Connection, p 111-114
Listen
or your tongue will keep you deaf.
-attributed to a Native American proverb
or your tongue will keep you deaf.
-attributed to a Native American proverb
- Pretending to Listen and other Non-Listening Options, Connection, p 128-129
- Success Script: A Different Kind of Concert, Connection, p 139
- How to Do Empathy, a YouTube video by Alan Seid, of CascadiaWorkshops.com
When people are willing to walk
toward their conflicts,
acknowledge their differences,
and dialogue together,
magic happens.
~ Duke Duchscherer
toward their conflicts,
acknowledge their differences,
and dialogue together,
magic happens.
~ Duke Duchscherer
- Remember Your Audience and Be Choiceful, Connection, p 144-147
- Investing Focused Effort in One Relationship, Connection, p 155
Dealing with Anger - Yours and Theirs
Your most powerful tool
for calming an angry person
is to avoid getting angry yourself.
for calming an angry person
is to avoid getting angry yourself.
- Looking into the Heart of your Anger – Loud and Quiet, Connection, p 163-164
- How can I find Empathy when I am Angry? step by step guide by Jane Connor & Dian Killian in their book, Connecting Across Differences
Turning Conflict into Win-Win Situations
You do not need to find a relationship without conflict.
Instead, you want one wherein you together create a sure path through the conflict.
~ William Donohue & Robert Kolt
Instead, you want one wherein you together create a sure path through the conflict.
~ William Donohue & Robert Kolt
- Steps for Resolving Conflict, Connection, p 181