Investing Focused Effort in One Relationship
First, choose a relationship that is important to you. Then consider doing any of the following:
- If you seldom speak your requests directly, encourage yourself to make a little request.
- Deliberately listen twice as long as usual.
- If you had a difficult encounter, go back and take it apart in your mind in order to get beyond right-wrong labels. Find a neutral observation of everything both of you said and did. Try to see the good motives you both had, underneath the problem.
- When you make a mistake, own it as soon as you can.
- Forgive the other person once in a while even if they really blew it big time. (Once in a while for the big stuff, not every day.) Physical abuse is never acceptable.
- Build trust by keeping promises. Be on time for appointments.
- Bring flowers for no reason at all. Do the dishes occasionally when it is not your turn.
- Catch the other person doing something you appreciate every day. Tell them about it.
WARNING: GO SLOW. DON’T OVERWHELM AND CONFUSE THEM.
| MAKE A CONSCIOUS EFFORT TO DEEPEN ONE PARTICULAR RELATIONSHIP |
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| Identify one relationship you would like to strengthen. |
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| What are two specific ways you could bring conscious effort to this relationship? |
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| What hesitation do you have about doing so? |
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| Can you think of a strategy that honors both your hunger to connect better and your hesitation to act on that? |
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| Is there one action you are willing to commit to do at this time? If so, add a *. |
from Connection: A Self-Care Path for Resolving Differences
Bonnie R. Fraser, www.exploreconnection.com